Every morning, I take the metro to my workplace. I walk from one end of the metro station to the other, where the women's compartment stops, because it is relatively empty. I wait for the train, it whizzes into the platform, I get in, and the doors close in. The continuous announcements on the train make sure there is no silence.
"Next station is..."
"Doors will open on the right..."
"Please mind the gap..."
A little while later, I hear, "Please do not sit on seats reserved for women."
Wait, what? So, we not only get a whole compartment to ourselves, but we get separate seats in the general compartments too? And this is fair, how?
The other day, one of my friends was telling me what she wants in a man. She starts the conversation with, "I am a feminist of course." Ten minutes into the conversation, she says, "I expect my boyfriend to be chivalrous; to be protective of me, to open the door for me, to pull my chair for me, to give me his jacket, because, come on, I am a girl!"
I had almost no problem with all the things she expected from her boyfriend, till she said "because I am a girl", which irked me.
How can someone call oneself a feminist, while expecting more-than-equal treatment? Do me a favour, and STOP PRETENDING TO BE A FEMINIST. You are insulting the whole movement by calling yourself one.
Feminism is NOT "Women are better than men." It stands for EQUALITY. Equal rights. Not women being protected because they are women, but a human being protected, loved or respected, irrespective of gender.
If I am standing in the metro, carrying five huge bags, it would be great if someone offers me a seat, because they see another human being in need of it, not a woman who is entitled to better treatment by virtue of her gender. Gender inequality was caused by such preferential treatment to a section of the society. The last thing we need is running around in circles. And that is what we are tending towards. First, we had men thinking they are superior, and now, if women think they are superior, then the whole human race is just a dog chasing its tail. Here is some visual aid for you:
The other day, someone asked me, "Why does India have no protection for men being raped. Isn't it unfair? Won't the women start abusing the law, and the men will have no protection at all? I mean, look at what happened to Tarun Tejpal! What if what she is saying is wrong, and she is saying it just to bring him down?"
Laws in India , be it against rape or adultery, are not gender neutral. This is a large, gaping hole in our justice system. Aimed at appeasing the women of this country, such female-centric laws are slowly turning into our enemy. Men are turning resentful at what is slowly being perceived as "over-protection" of women. So I would like to clarify: Women are NOT better. Women are NOT goddesses. We are as human as the men. Men are also prone to rape. Why can't we recognize that?
Coming to the next part of the question. "Won't the women start abusing the law?"
Much as I support equality, let us not forget the fact that we come from a patriarchal past. But questions like this make me wonder, is it really the past or are we still in a patriarchal present? We, including many women, are so quick in thinking that women might misuse a law. What about the abuse by men? What about the instances when the girl said NO but the boy pressed on, thinking, "Ah never mind, she just means not yet"? What about that misuse?
The problem is, India is now in a state of transition. A severely patriarchal society, we are taking baby steps towards a society where equality is the norm. Or are we? We are in that dangerous stage where there is tendency to piss off the people who enjoyed the safety, the respect, the treatment that everyone deserved, but did not get, because they did not contain the Y chromosome. The question that needs to be addressed is, when do we stop becoming "protectors of the women of the country" and try to look at equality instead?
We need to understand, sexual harassment is wrong, irrespective of gender. Rape is wrong, irrespective of gender. When a person says no to something, the person's choice must be respected, irrespective of gender. For what Tarun Tejpal allegedly did, if proven to be true, he should be punished.
Have we forgotten that law should be objective? A victim of sexual harassment should be seen as a human being, irrespective of gender. Only then can we say that the society has truly grown.
A woman wants to be seen as a fellow human being. We do not want to be put on a pedestal. We do not want to be worshipped. We do not need protectors We want to be seen as equals. We do not need chivalry. We want you to remove your jacket when you think it is cold NOT because we are women, but only because it is cold and you love us enough to sacrifice your jacket for it. It is not chivalry that we are looking for, but love and compassion. We do not want a seat just because we are women. We can open car doors as easily as you can, thank you very much.
People who do not agree with this and call themselves Feminists, please, stop it. You are embarrassing us. You are destroying everything that feminists are striving for. Go home, lie down, close your eyes and try to think.
"Next station is..."
"Doors will open on the right..."
"Please mind the gap..."
A little while later, I hear, "Please do not sit on seats reserved for women."
Wait, what? So, we not only get a whole compartment to ourselves, but we get separate seats in the general compartments too? And this is fair, how?
The other day, one of my friends was telling me what she wants in a man. She starts the conversation with, "I am a feminist of course." Ten minutes into the conversation, she says, "I expect my boyfriend to be chivalrous; to be protective of me, to open the door for me, to pull my chair for me, to give me his jacket, because, come on, I am a girl!"
I had almost no problem with all the things she expected from her boyfriend, till she said "because I am a girl", which irked me.
How can someone call oneself a feminist, while expecting more-than-equal treatment? Do me a favour, and STOP PRETENDING TO BE A FEMINIST. You are insulting the whole movement by calling yourself one.
Feminism is NOT "Women are better than men." It stands for EQUALITY. Equal rights. Not women being protected because they are women, but a human being protected, loved or respected, irrespective of gender.
If I am standing in the metro, carrying five huge bags, it would be great if someone offers me a seat, because they see another human being in need of it, not a woman who is entitled to better treatment by virtue of her gender. Gender inequality was caused by such preferential treatment to a section of the society. The last thing we need is running around in circles. And that is what we are tending towards. First, we had men thinking they are superior, and now, if women think they are superior, then the whole human race is just a dog chasing its tail. Here is some visual aid for you:
The other day, someone asked me, "Why does India have no protection for men being raped. Isn't it unfair? Won't the women start abusing the law, and the men will have no protection at all? I mean, look at what happened to Tarun Tejpal! What if what she is saying is wrong, and she is saying it just to bring him down?"
Laws in India , be it against rape or adultery, are not gender neutral. This is a large, gaping hole in our justice system. Aimed at appeasing the women of this country, such female-centric laws are slowly turning into our enemy. Men are turning resentful at what is slowly being perceived as "over-protection" of women. So I would like to clarify: Women are NOT better. Women are NOT goddesses. We are as human as the men. Men are also prone to rape. Why can't we recognize that?
Coming to the next part of the question. "Won't the women start abusing the law?"
Much as I support equality, let us not forget the fact that we come from a patriarchal past. But questions like this make me wonder, is it really the past or are we still in a patriarchal present? We, including many women, are so quick in thinking that women might misuse a law. What about the abuse by men? What about the instances when the girl said NO but the boy pressed on, thinking, "Ah never mind, she just means not yet"? What about that misuse?
The problem is, India is now in a state of transition. A severely patriarchal society, we are taking baby steps towards a society where equality is the norm. Or are we? We are in that dangerous stage where there is tendency to piss off the people who enjoyed the safety, the respect, the treatment that everyone deserved, but did not get, because they did not contain the Y chromosome. The question that needs to be addressed is, when do we stop becoming "protectors of the women of the country" and try to look at equality instead?
We need to understand, sexual harassment is wrong, irrespective of gender. Rape is wrong, irrespective of gender. When a person says no to something, the person's choice must be respected, irrespective of gender. For what Tarun Tejpal allegedly did, if proven to be true, he should be punished.
Have we forgotten that law should be objective? A victim of sexual harassment should be seen as a human being, irrespective of gender. Only then can we say that the society has truly grown.
A woman wants to be seen as a fellow human being. We do not want to be put on a pedestal. We do not want to be worshipped. We do not need protectors We want to be seen as equals. We do not need chivalry. We want you to remove your jacket when you think it is cold NOT because we are women, but only because it is cold and you love us enough to sacrifice your jacket for it. It is not chivalry that we are looking for, but love and compassion. We do not want a seat just because we are women. We can open car doors as easily as you can, thank you very much.
People who do not agree with this and call themselves Feminists, please, stop it. You are embarrassing us. You are destroying everything that feminists are striving for. Go home, lie down, close your eyes and try to think.
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